Which DOOM Magazine staff member are you?

Have you ever wondered which member of our insidious staff you are most like? Take this short quiz, that is, if you think you have the intestinal fortitude to discover the truth.

First of all, select your color.

Grey
Black
Blue
Red
Gold
Purple


What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Slink out of bed and retreat to the vanity mirror to lace up and put on 32 ounces of makeup.
Ask for his name.
Have the servants dress you, and then go to the Hyacinth Garden for breakfast tea and a morning press conference.
Swear.
Lament the rising sun, and wake up your plush friends.
End the world


If a Cave Troll were to suddenly emerge from the shadows, what would your first reaction be?

Give it a challenging glare, and insult it by throwing coins in its face.
Show a little skin- trolls are just big sailors, really, and they all want the same thing.
Blast it to smithereens with high-end quantum magic. (and then go genki ^-^)
Let off a shrill, coquettish giggle to deafen it, then knock it backwards with an all out sonic attack.
Order the troops to immobilize it, destroy any chance of escape, and have your undercover agents in Troll Village arrest the supplies and take immediate control of the capital.
Cave Trolls, pshaw. Throw a Galactic Cauldron my way and THEN we'll talk.


What makes you scary?

My mysterious nature.
My gothic beauty.
My powerful mind and fickle disposition.
My wanton desire to indulge and destroy.
My ability to usher silence upon entire star systems.
My perfect cheekbones and my Antichristal nature.


If someone were to insult you, what would they most likely call you?

Frigid bitch.
An obvious wanton slut.
Arrogant bastard.
Megalomanical tyrant.
Depressed pansy.
Freaky Shemale.


Describe your plan for World Domination.

Effectivly destroy the world economy, and secretly instigate global war. Appear at the darkest hour as a figure of peace and salvation, and after saving the little lambs from themselves, they will gladly open their hearts to the darkness of my EVERLASTING EMPIRE!
Domination? I have no interest in this planet. You are all too deeply submerged in despair. I can give you eternal happiness within the Realm of Silence...
This world is corrupt from its very basis. Only a world shaped by me is worthy of existence. I shall gain the power to revolutionize time and space, and I shall recreate the planet in a perfect state once again.
Simple. Rich, powerful husband. Firm, round ass. You figure out the rest.
Acquire 12 inch platform stilleto heels and a whalebone corset once worn by Aphrodite herself. Win over everyone with my charm and beauty, and destroy anyone who stands in my way. BEAUTY IS POWER! Oh ho ho ho ho!
All of you... your souls cry out loudly, clinging to whatever sense of identity you can find. All so separate, all so alone. I shall reunite our minds and souls. I shall become the catalyst that absorbs everyone. The world and it's people will become me, and I shall become they. ALL WILL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!


Pick a time period in which you would best belong.

Ancient Rome.
Ancient Babylonia.
Victorian England.
The French Revolution.
The End of Time.
Near-future Tokyo.


Pick your weapon.

Saber and pistol, with a army of 2,500 in waiting.
Glaive.
Cleverly concealed strangle-wire.
Whip.
Puppet or Teddy Bear.
Vocal chords.


If you could write an article for DOOM, what kind would it be?

Editorial- and you WILL like what I have to say!
Interview- Ooh, schmoozing with celebs is what glam is ALL about!
Fashion column- The latest in style is my element, really.
Anime/video game review- I love being able to discuss creative things! ^-^
Advice column- Allow me to play God with your lives.
Gossip column- DID YOU HEAR!? OMG! J-Lo has ANOTHER boyfriend! I am SO jealous!


What do you want put on your tombstone?

"A noble life is the only life worth living."
"Loved by all, bent over by even more."
I just want my measurements and an 8 by 10 glossy of myself displayed above my glass coffin.
"I shall return, you tiny fools!"
Oh, what does it matter, I'll be reborn in a matter of days anyway.
"Please knock."


How's the sex?

With me, it's more like worship!
Oh ho ho! You coy thing! *opens fan*
Cold and Dead.
First we take off our clothes... then we take off our bodies... then we merge into a divine spirit!
I hope you like it rough...
You get what you pay for.