"Grandma Crunch" is the new phrase applied to the classic disease of bone hollowing and decay: Osteoporosis. But let's face it: bone loss is not all fun and games. Senior citizens with calcium deficiencies are rapidly increasing in numbers as this crippling disease spreads its thin, bony fingers across the heart of America. The origins of the disease can be traced back to ancient Babylonia, where accounts of withered hags snapping in half at the slightest gust of wind were commonplace.

Esther Louise McGinnis is the president and founder of Octogenarians United for Changes in Healthcare (Or 'OUCH' for short). Esther and her husband Dale Albert McGinnis both suffered from The Crunch, but unfortunately, Dale did not survive the battle with bone decay. Esther tearfully recounts for us the circumstances surrounding her husband's death.

"Dale was driving us back from Saturday Mass, when suddenly, some young hooligans were tailgating us. I told him to just slow down and let them pass, because the stress wasn't good for his blood pressure, you know. He ignored me, and allowed himself to become flustered, and he put his foot down on the accelerator! I watched in horror as our speedometer reached upwards of 30 m.p.h., and when he hit 35…well all I heard was a loud crunch, and it was all over."

Fortunately Mrs. McGinnis was able to maneuver the vehicle to safety, but would she ever really feel safe again, knowing that at any time she too could snap? It was just a matter of months later when Esther herself would be endangered by this most horrible disease.

"Felicity, my Calico, had ran out of cat food and I had to walk down to the cellar to fetch some more. Well, on the way down, I slipped on one of Prudence's 'presents' and tumbled down three steps! (Prudence is Mrs. McGinnis' Siamese, who is apparently not housebroken.) I heard the crunch, and felt my whole body go numb. Fortunately, I was on the telephone with my daughter Ashley. She called the paramedics and saved my life!"

Since the incident Mrs. McGinnis has learned to live with a Medical Alert Monitor kept on her belt at all times. She started the OUCH organization in order to educate and possibly help prevent future injuries and deaths at the hands of The Crunch. As it now stands, there are 8,000 members of OUCH nationwide, and more expected to join by the end of the year. "Seniors Rush Week is coming up soon. The activities will include Bingo, Keno, and Yahtzee, and free milk will be handed out during the meetings. I'm confident that more Seniors will join us to celebrate life and improve the standards of healthcare for people suffering from this condition."

The Diva of Destruction sings the dirge of final destruction.
Esther Louise McGinnis appears courtesy of OUCH.
11/02